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出格
译制
第六季第十集 本季终
瑞克与莫蒂
翻译：出格 第六季第十集 本季终
等下 怎么回事? Wait, what's that?
好像烟囱里有人下来 Do I hear something coming down the chimney?
圣诞老人瑞克从多重宇宙里带着礼物来啦 Rick Santa-chez here with gifts from across the multiverse!
天了噜 太好了! Oh, my God! Yes!
杰瑞的礼物 《34街奇缘》的外太空版本 For Jerry, an extradimensional version of "Miracle on 34th Street."
加长俩小时! Two hours longer!
我盼了好久了! They fixed my only problem with it!
给贝丝的 你和我的合照 For Beth, a framed photo of the two of us from a universe
来自某个你小时候没被谋杀的宇宙 where she wasn't murdered as a child.
哎呀呀 爸 Oh, my God. Dad.
给太空贝丝的 和贝丝一样的礼物 And for Space Beth, the same thing because we --
因为不知道你们哪个是真的 we don't know which one of you is real.
我表示很感动 I am also touched.
夏茉 你查下自己的Venmo账户余额 Summer, c-check your Venmo.
啊!钱!你怎么知道的? Ah! Money? How did you know?
毕竟你17岁 You're 17.
最后压轴的是 And last but not least,
给我最亲的外孙的礼物 for my number one number two.
莫蒂 你很久以前就向我要过 Morty you asked for this a long, long time ago
我终于不辞辛苦给你弄到了 and I finally went far, far away enough to get it
毕竟我这人急性子等不得快递 since shipping would have killed me.
我操!真的吗?! You didn't! No fucking way.
我操! No fucking way.
这个带音效吗? Does it make the noises?
当然带了 不带音效还有什么意思? Of course it "makes the noises." That's like half the fun.
哈哈!太好啦! Ha ha! Awesome!
别在这启动啊 Whoa, do not turn that on!
别担心 莫蒂只准在绝地武士区 Don't worry. Morty's only gonna use this
用这把至尊光剑 very honorable weapon in designated Jedi zones
快点去车库里玩! like the garage right now!
卧槽! Holy crap!
说来有点暴力 但是好想有个目标给我攻击啊 I hate to say it, but I wish there was something to attack.
对啊 要是有人能买了一车水果就好了 Yeah, it's too bad nobody bought a cart of fruit!
你这个老逼太贴心了! You beautiful son of a bitch!
柚子! Grapefruit!
芒果! Mango!
木瓜! Papaya!
西瓜! Watermelon!
再来个木瓜! A second papaya!
再来个西瓜! Another watermelon!
砍我 Strike me down.
啥? What?
砍我啊! Strike me down!
我才不要砍你 I'm not striking you down.
砍我啊 莫蒂! Strike me down, Morty!
我会像欧比旺一样变成一堆衣服的 I-I'll become a pile of clothes like that old guy!
你会死的 你肯定是喝醉了 But you'll die. You're drunk.
给我 我自己来 Here, I'll -- I'll do it myself.
才不要! No!
哈哈 哇哦 真的欸 和欧比旺一样 Ha ha, wow, you did it! Just like Obi-Wan.
瑞克?你可以现身了 Rick? Y-You can come out now.
我没开玩笑啊 I'm serious.
你是变成自己的衣服了吗? Did you, like, become your clothes?
T恤瑞克? Are you T-shirt Rick now?
在这呢 小屁孩 Psst. Over here, buttfart.
我去 太厉害了! Hoo, that was awesome!
我就说吧?! Right?!
瑞克 你过去几个月真是个好外公 Rick, you know, y-y-you've been so great the last couple months.
全家人都很喜气洋洋 好感激你啊 The family's so happy. I'm -- I'm really grateful.
哎呀 谢谢了 Aw, thanks, kid
但是废话少说 继续水果忍者! but less talk, more melon slinging!
看好了! Heads up!
操 操 操! Oh shit, shit, shit.
把地板打开啊 瑞克! Open it, Rick!
放着我来! Let me do it!
让开 快给老子让开! Get up. Get -- Fucking move!
快点! Hurry!
莫蒂 你怎么扔得这么直挺啊! You dropped it perfectly vertical, Morty!
太他妈直挺了! P-Perfectly fucking vertical!
抓到了!抓到了! I got it, I got it!
我去 Ah, shoot.
操 Shit.
搭电梯!搭电梯! Elevator! Elevator!
咱们得抢到光剑前面! We gotta get ahead of it!
负十层?L-Level 10?
不是 不是!负15层! No, no, no! 15!
等下 我们家下面开得有寿司店? Wait, we live over a cool sushi spot?
谢了 谢了 Domo, domo.
不过现在不用 Not now, though.
行 咱们超前太多了 Okay, we overshot it.
所谓宁多毋少 Good problem to have.
鳗鱼卷还有吗? Still doing the eel roll?
我就是说下到负十层就好了嘛! I told you we should've gone to 10!
莫蒂!不要按负10层啊! No, Morty, not 10!
莫蒂 等下 等下 等下! Morty, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
放我出去 Let me out.
搞毛啊? What the fuck?
瑞克?! Rick?!
你个傻逼机器人 给你的唯一任务都完不成! You dumb fucking robot. You had one job!
你给我的任务是当个好外公 Hey, that job was to be a good grandpa,
莫蒂去哪里我就去哪里 I-I go where the kid goes.
不要碰我! Don't touch me!
我到底- 你跟我说你不是机器人啊! How long have I -- you said you weren't a robot!
莫蒂 骗你比杀了我还难受 It killed me to lie to you, Morty.
但是不骗你我就真的会被杀死了 But it would have literally killed me not to lie to you.
背叛!彻彻底底的背叛! Betrayal! Betrayal on all sides!
莫蒂 别这么激动 Don't overreact, Morty.
我在太阳骑士事件开始的时候把自己给调换了 I-I replaced myself towards the beginning of that whole Knights of the Sun thing.
除非我报仇雪恨 I-I'm no good to anybody
否则还是远离大家比较好 until I resolve this archnemesis crap.
你还在找那个杀了你老婆的人? You're still hunting the guy who killed your wife?
你没必要一遍遍提醒我 莫蒂 You don't have to rub it in, Morty.
这就是我离开的原因 T-That's why I removed myself.
我活成了自己曾经最讨厌的样子 I've become the thing I hate.
这里就跟网飞的剧一样 I-It's like a Netflix drama down here,
还不是那种偶尔出一部的好剧 and I don't mean an accidentally good one,
就是那种很一般的网飞剧 I mean a regular-ass Netflix drama.
我是为了你好 I did you a favor.
你他妈给他光剑当圣诞礼物? Y-You gave him a fuckin' lightsaber for Christmas?!
谁叫你把我的贴心指数设计成高你22%呢? It's almost like someone designed me to be 22% more thoughtful than you.
够了 我现在就把你停掉 All right, that's it, I'm shutting you down.
你敢!你真的是够了 Don't you dare. Y-You've done enough.
瑞克 我们全家都特别喜欢…这个东西 The whole family, Rick. Everybody loves...this thing.
那行啊 对了 Oh, good. By the way
光剑大概已经降到地下室下面了 恭喜你哦 your lightsaber's probably run out of sub-basement by now, so, congrats.
什么人啊你 Unbelievable.
你竟然欺骗我们的爱! I can't believe you tricked us into loving you!
又不是我想要 本职工作罢了 Not because I like it. It's because it's my job.
谢天谢地 以后不用装了 But thank God I don't have to do it anymore.
你敢!现在是圣诞节好吧! The fuck you don't. It's Christmas!
你赶快回上面去 继续欺骗大家的爱 Get up there and trick everyone into loving you more!
现在是见证"奇迹"的时刻 Let's get our "Miracle" on.
这不就有个奇迹嘛 Speaking of miracles...
这么快就玩厌了呀? What, bored of your toy already?
想和家人共享天伦之乐而已 Just, uh, excited to spend time with my family.
我和莫蒂一直就很喜欢看《34街奇缘》 Y-You know me and Morty. We're all about those streets.
34街奇缘
哇 终于来到了纽约市! Oh, would you look at this! New York City!
竟然有这么多条街道 Wow, who would have thought it had so many streets?
还有大道 我的天啊! And avenues too. Oh, gosh!
先生 先生 你见证过奇迹吗? Hey, sir, sir. Have you seen any miracles?
我的女儿病了 需要一个奇迹 My little girl, she's sick and she needs a miracle.
总统的黑鹰直升机在外面降落呢 The presidential Black Hawk is landing on the lawn.
我来搞定他们 I'll get rid of him.
莫蒂 你有什么话要跟我说的吗? You got something to tell me, Morty?
圣诞节快乐? Merry Christmas?
光剑是谁他妈给直挺挺地扔地下去的? Who dropped a lightsaber perfectly fucking vertical?
我去- Oh, sh--
你猜怎么着 憨逼 Guess what, numb nuts.
已经钻到地下一英里了 还在继续下落 It's a mile deep and still going
你知道光剑刀柄里有什么吗? You know what's in the hilt of that thing?
凯伯水晶! Kyber crystals!
书呆子 得了 Okay, nerd.
反正这种材料到达地核的时候 Whatever it is, when it hits the core,
会造成连锁反应摧毁地球! it's gonna cause a chain reaction that destroys the Earth!
真的吗? I-It is?
你怎么还在玩什么激光枪啊? Why are you still playing with laser swords anyway?
你已经14岁了啊! You're 14!
你知道《星球大战》很幼稚对吧? You know all that Star Wars shit is silly, right?
乔治·卢卡斯几十年前就说会出星战前传三部曲 Lucas promised a new trilogy for decades.
结果出了之后粉丝又不开心 Then, when he delivered, fans turned on him
粉丝病急乱投医 导演一个接一个地换 and started giving any knucklehead with nerd cred a shot
结果就搞出这几部圈钱的星战 and churned out these irredeemable cash grabs.
观众里一半假粉 一半黑子 Half pretend to be satisfied, half shit on it,
到最后谁都不高兴 and in the end no one's happy.
你知道为什么吗 莫蒂? Do you know why, Morty?
因为即便是屎上雕花 到头来还是一坨屎 Because when you start with a turd, you end with a turd.
你哭什么啊?瑞克呢? Why you crying? Where's Rick?
他忙着呢 我恨死他了 He's busy. A-And I hate him.
我把光剑给弄丢了 现在地球又快被光剑摧毁了 And I lost my lightsaber, and now it might destroy Earth
我想要光剑而已 你又借此把对X世代的恨发泄在我身上 and you're unloading all this Gen X hatred on me for even wanting one
64-84年生人
这个圣诞节真的太难了! and i-it's the worst Christmas ever!
好了 莫蒂 莫蒂 莫蒂 莫蒂 Okay, M-Morty, Morty, Morty, Morty.
我不该用面对联合国官员的语气对付你 I shouldn't have talked to you like you're a UN official.
咱们这就把你的光剑找回来 Let's get your embarrassing-ass lightsaber back
这样你就可以专注玩剑 不近女色了 so you can swing it around instead of kissing girls.
哦豁 你找到我了 Whoa, ho ho, you found me
找到我了 found me
找到我了 found me!
安全警告 Security breach
什么鬼? What the hell?
有人未经授权进入 Unauthorized presence.
搞什么鬼啊 莫蒂?! What the fuck Morty?!
今早一把正版乔治·卢卡斯光剑开始下坠 This morning, a real-life version of George Lucas's trademarked lightsaber was dropped point down
正扭扭捏捏地朝着地心前进 and is whomp-whomping its way to the core of the Earth
一旦到达地心 我们都会被炸死 where it will blow us all up.
敢碰我的东西就等着死无全尸 Touch my shit and die.
我不是在威胁你们 That's not a threat from me
是因为我的东西太先进了 that's how advanced my shit is.
桑切斯 你真会骗人呢 Impressive lair, Sanchez.
你是拿了60万张许可证了? Got about 600,000 permits?
我要是想请政府进驻我家的话 我就买Alexa智能音箱了 If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy an Alexa.
瑞克 是我请他来的 I invited him in, Rick.
那我给他们下逐客令 光剑交给我来摧毁 Yeah, well, they can leave. I'll destroy it.
我们准备找回光剑 We're gonna retrieve it.
好傻逼的主意 Well, that's stupid.
你算什么外公啊? What kind of grandfather are you?
现在是圣诞节好不好! It's Christmas, for God's sake,
你看着就像用兰迪·奎德擦屁股的菲尔·斯佩克特 and you look like Phil Spector wiped his ass with Randy Quaid.
英国演员和美国音乐制作人
你爱帮不帮 不帮就闪一边去 If you're gonna help, help. Otherwise step aside.
我这个圣诞真是操蛋了! Merry Christmas to me.
明明是我这个圣诞真是操蛋了! Merry Christmas to me!
明明是我! To me!
我不是专业人士 但是呢 Anyhoo, I'm no expert but it seems we've got a --
我们有足够的时间造一艘巨型钻探船 a certain amount of time to build a big drill ship.
大型钻探船? A big drill ship?
你闪一边去了就给我闭嘴吧 That's some pretty loud stepping aside you're doing.
让我把光剑毁掉不行吗? Just let me destroy the thing!
被你毁掉的东西还不够多吗?! You've destroyed enough!
不听老人言 滚去阎王殿 Oh, I see someone found my "told you so" dispenser.
我的天啊 好多街道啊! Oh, my God, look at all these streets!
34号街 35号街! We got 34th Street! 35th Street!
前面还有36号街! Oh, 36th Street coming too!
啊!奇迹!37号街上有奇迹! Oh, it's a miracle! We got miracles on 37th Street!
38号街! 38th!
还有好多大道呢! And don't even get me started on the avenues!
这么好的桥段竟然被删减了! I can't believe they cut this!
你最近真是个好爸爸 Dad, you've been so great lately.
好到让我不敢相信 I'm almost afraid it's not real.
你不会是机器人吧? You're not a robot, are you?
哈哈!这么说吧 宝贝女儿 Ha! Put it this way, honey --
如果我是机器人 If I am
那我的程序设定就是好好爱你们 I-I'm a robot programmed to love you very, very much.
这个钻探船速度能赶上光剑吗? Will this drill down fast enough to get under the lightsaber?
能 一个小时后就能赶上 Yep, it will be under the lightsaber in one hour
因为-等下 光剑变深了 because the -- wait, it's lower now.
呃 好吧 光剑在动 Oh, right, it's moving.
你个大傻帽 滚远点! You fucking idiot. Get out of here!
圣诞节你上哪再找科学家去?! Good luck finding a good scientist on Christmas!
我觉得自己是丑钝软合众国的总统 I'm President of the United Assholes.
这位天才 我准许你让我们的钻探船跑快点 All right, genius, I give you permission to make our drill ship faster.
你的钻探船狗都不碰 I'm not touching that thing.
我怕碰了之后得病病 I'll get neurotypical cooties.
我女婿都比你们强 I have son-in-laws more imaginative.
行了行了 毁掉光剑行了吧! All right, j-just destroy the lightsaber!
还以为你不会同意呢 Thought you'd never ask.
开玩笑啦 我早知道你会同意 Not true. I knew you'd ask.
啥玩意? What is that?
又一把光剑 剑柄上有人工智能控制的陀螺仪火箭 A second lightsaber with an A.I.-controlled gyroscopic rocket in the hilt.
你有光剑?! You had a lightsaber?!
哎呀呀 你以前想要一把吗? Oh, did you want one?
还好我没给你 不然早出乱子了 What a terrible gift that would have made.
垂直光剑 陈述你的首要任务 Vertisaber, state your prime directive.
保持垂直 To stay vertical.
那就给他们展示一下 Then show 'em how it's done.
收到 Affirmative.
呜呼!美利坚! Whoo! America!
保持垂直 垂直光剑 Maintain verticality, Vertisaber.
收到 Affirmative.
好的 不错 追踪目标 All right, looking good. Stay on target.
嗯哼 Uh-huh.
报告进度 Progress report.
垂直光剑 收到了吗? Vertisaber, do you copy?
我每次都要回应吗? Do I have to respond every time?
你再说一遍? Excuse me?
我的程序设定是保持完美垂直 I'm designed to stay perfectly vertical,
而不是一直回复"收到" not to give constant affirmation.
你我做好各自的本职工作就好了 You do your job, I'll do mine.
你是由我控制的! I control you!
那行 我把自己大脑关上给你来控制我行了吧? Okay, I'll just turn off my brain and you can do that.
拜呀! Byyye!
你他妈逗我呢?操! Fucking kidding me? Shit!
轨迹偏移了 长官 Trajectory's drifting, sir.
预计从哪里出来? Where is it coming out?
好像是意大利 长官 Looks like Italy, sir.
还好没死人 Okay, t-that could've been worse.
真是西西里的血腥传说 Well, uh, that is definitely not amore.
瑞克 你看你干的好事 Way to show us how it's done, Rick.
随你便 Whatever.
意大利总理1号线上等待接通 Italian prime minister on line one.
先别接 Put him on hold.
我们可以找沙特背锅 We can pin this on the Saudis.
感觉像是他们会做的事 This is something they'd do.
说不定他们干过这等事 They may as well have done it.
就是他们干的 They did do it.
哇 401号大道和7000号街 Oh, there's another miracle at the end of the intersection of
交叉路口的今天也有奇迹 401st Boulevard and 7,000th Street!
目前为止 每个街区都有一个奇迹 That's a miracle per block so far.
就连我都快受不了了 Okay, even I am nearing my limit.
咱们玩圣诞节游戏吧 Let's play a Christmas game!
你们玩过"机器人猜猜猜"了吗? have you guys ever played "Are You a Robot?"
在场每个人都要决定自己是不是机器人 Each person here has to decide whether or not t-they're a robot.
-诶 我想玩 -好好好 -Ohh, I'm gonna play that. -Yes, yes, yes.
但是不要说出来 But don't say it out loud.
因为机器人不准说自己是机器人 Because if you're a robot, you're not allowed to say you are.
规则就是这样 T-T-That's the rule.
身为机器人最痛苦的莫过于此 That's the horrible, painful thing about being a robot.
但是你要回答大家的提问 But you do have to answer everyone's questions.
其他人要猜你是不是机器人 And it's their jobs to decide whether you are or aren't a robot,
因为-因为机器人不能说自己是机器人 because -- because if you are a robot you can't say!
不准说 You're not allowed to say at all.
我先来 I'll go first!
提问吧 Uh, question.
你是机器人吗? Oh! Ahh, are you a robot?
能直接问吗? Can I just ask that?
能! You can!
但如果我是机器人的话 But don't forget that if I am,
我就要被迫说谎哦 I have to lie even though I don't want to.
还有问题吗? More questions?
你有感觉吗? Can you feel things?
太他妈有了! Oh, fuck yes!
有!特别有感觉! Yes! T-That's the problem!
如果我是机器人 不过我不是- If I'm a robot, which I'm not --
我必须这么说哦- don't forget I have to say that --
但是我的感觉超丰富的 but yes, yes, I feel so much.
我对某些人爱得不行 I'm filled with love for certain people,
但是如果我的程序让我骗他们的话 but also filled with shame
我也会感觉到羞耻 if I'm programmed to deceive them,
我说的是"如果" but that's a big if.
你的头骨是什么做的? What's your skeleton made of?
钛合金! Titanium!
你是机器人! You're -- You're a robot!
太好了! Yes!
不是! No!
但是这才是机器人会说的话嘛! But that's what a robot would say!
懂了吧 So, you get the idea.
呜呼!都给老娘臣服! Whoo! Suck it, bitches!
太好玩了! This is fun!
我以前一直心存戒备 I've always been afraid to let my guard down
不敢像这样全家人一起傻乐 and just have stupid family fun like this,
但是外公瑞克教会了我展示自己脆弱的一面 but Grandpa Rick is making me learn to be vulnerable!
-说得好! -我同意! -Right on! -Me too!
钻探船现在比光剑要快了 All right, your derivative drill ship is now faster than a lightsaber.
莫蒂 你要坐前面还是后面? Morty, y-you want front or back?
谁说我要和你去啊? Who says the two of us are going?
你一开始都不准备- Y-You didn't even want to --
滚鸡巴蛋吧 拜拜! Oh, for fuck's sake. Bye!
祝你好运 别把地球给炸了 Good luck. Don't blow up my planet.
你搞得好像你是那个被背叛的人一样 You act like you're the one that got stabbed in the back!
因为我就是啊 莫蒂 Because I am the one, Morty.
你知道为什么我在傻逼太阳骑士事件开始的时候 You want to know why I replaced myself in the beginning of
替换了自己吗? that stupid Knights of the Sun thing?
我他妈让你别收下宝剑 I said don't take the fucking sword,
你一副无所谓的样子 and you were like "whatever,"
当我是咱邻居基恩还是大卫·阿凯特呢? like I'm our neighbor Gene or David Arquette or something.
美国演员 代表作《惊声尖叫》系列
你还说我无趣 You called me boring.
你根本不把老子当回事 I've become dog shit to you.
对别人敞开心扉的代价就是 That's what happens when you let people in
他们不再尊重你 and they stop respecting you.
乱碰你的东西 到处惹祸 They touch your shit, they screw things up,
然后杀光你全家 they kill your fucking family.
你尽管信任他吧 Go ahead. Trust him.
撞南墙到最后只会头破血流 You're gonna learn the same fucking thing.
莫蒂 我不会杀你全家的 I...am not going to kill your family, Morty.
感谢不杀之恩 That means a lot.
如果任务失败 你有什么遗言吗 莫蒂? In case this goes south, any last words, Morty?
总统阁下 我没到法定投票年纪 I've never been old enough to vote, Mr. President,
等我能投票了 我保证投给你 but when I am, I'll vote for you.
谢了 莫蒂 每一票都很重要 Thanks, Morty. Every vote counts.
你想的话 我可以让他们把你的法定年龄改了 If you want, I can have them legally change your age.
算了 这个我倒是不急哈 Uh, no, I-I'm not in any hurry to get into that shit show.
到达光剑位置倒计时 Approaching the lightsaber in T-minus --
操 立刻马上 oh, shit, now.
现在立刻马上 对不起! T-minus now! Sorry!
我忘参加军校的倒计时日了 I missed countdown day at the academy.
莫蒂 成败在此一举! Now or never, Morty!
看到了! There it is!
喷气机掉头! Reverse the jets!
让我来! I got this!
拿到了! No...I do!
莫蒂 你个小兔崽子真行! Morty, you magnificent little bastard!
咱们把光剑带回去 Let's get this thing topside.
愿原力与我同在! May the force be with... me!
与我同在还差不多 I think you mean with me.
啥?你不是很讨厌星战吗? What? You hate Star Wars.
星战上映的时候我和你现在一样大 I was your age when this shit was in theaters.
星战系列陪伴我长大 This franchise raised me,
培养了我 教会我分辨善恶 trained me, taught me good from evil,
让我熬过了笼罩在父亲阴影下的童年 made having a bad father empowering.
结果正传第三部…跟布偶戏似的 And when that third movie got all...muppety,
我的内心开始腐烂 something in me began to rot.
小兔崽子 你记住了 But make no mistake, child,
《星球大战》属于我 不属于你 I own Star Wars, not you.
更不属于大背头卢卡斯 Not that bubble-throat pompadour fuck,
和其他几个臭导演 not some Mickey Mouse shit machine.
他们又没有用自己的灵魂做交换 They didn't pay the price with their souls.
我有!属于我!不属于你! I did! I earned this, not you!
美利坚 大家打道回府 America, transform and roll out!
你个混蛋! Bastard!
瑞克 今年我请你来切火腿 Rick, I would be honored if you would carve the ham this year.
哇 爸 真的是- Whoa. Dad. That's --
闻所未闻?说对了 夏茉 Unheard of? You're quite right, Summer.
我想表达的是 你妈妈的父亲也是我的父亲 It's my way of saying I see your mom's father as my father too.
杰瑞 你-你-你来切吧 Ohh, Jerry, w-w-why don't you cut it?
爸 你干什么啊? Geez, Dad, what the hell are you doing?
外公 他可是在认你当爹啊 He's like adopting you into his biological family, Grandpa.
莫蒂 你终于来了 Morty, I am sure glad to see you.
你来替外公切火腿怎么样? Y-Y-You ready to tag your old grandpa back in?
你才不是我外公 你他妈是个机器人 You're not my grandpa. You're a fucking robot.
终于 Finally.
天使初报圣诞佳音 The first Noel The angels did say
先向田间贫苦牧民 Was to certain poor shepherds In fields as they lay
镇定 镇定 镇定 Okay, okay, okay.
夏茉 你有药嗑吗? Summer, do you have any drugs?
你认真的? Are you serious?
不是 I guess not.
还好圣诞节不是我毁的 I'm just glad I'm not the one that ruined Christmas.
地球上的民众… People of Earth...
哼 大事不妙 Hmm, that's never good.
我不是来怪罪谁的 I'm not here to play the blame game
但是莫蒂圣诞节收到一把光剑 but Morty Smith got a lightsaber for Christmas,
失手掉了 dropped it
光剑又一次朝着地核飞去 and it's now heading for the Earth's core again
是第一次 不是又一次 I-I mean for the first time.
狗娘养的!明明是他玩失手了! Son of a bitch! He played with it!
如果光剑到达地核 那你们全部会被炸死 If it does reach the core, it will blow all of you up.
不对 是我们全部会被炸死 I-I mean all of us up.
但是不要放弃希望 But don't abandon hope.
我们正竭尽全力 拯救人类 We're doing everything we can to stop it,
如果失败的话 and only if that fails
白宫会被发射进入太空 will we launch the White House into space...
哎呀 露馅了 已经在太空了 Welp, I'm busted. Clearly in space already.
圣诞节就是你毁的 You did ruin Christmas.
才不是!他把我的光剑偷了!肯定是他失手了! Nunh-unh! He stole my lightsaber and must've dropped it!
又一次失手弄掉了! A-A second time!
所以说第一次的时候被你们救回来了? Does that mean you stopped it a first time?
怎么救的? How?
用的钻探船 A drill ship.
钻探船?好厉害! A drill ship? Awesome!
是的 但是被政府收回去了 It was, but the government took it with them.
现在时间紧急 我们只好求那个老逼 Then we lean on the only asshole smart enough
让他再造一艘了 to make another one in this tight a window
但是瑞克离开了 But Rick's gone.
我不知道他还会不会回来 And I'm not sure he's ever coming back.
真人走了 那咱们就找假人 Then let's settle for the next best thing.
操 让我死好不好! Oh, fuck! Just let me die!
把我关掉 Turn me off
虽然我关不掉 not that I can be turned off
因为我不是机器人 because I'm obviously not a robot!
操!终于找到你了 Fuck yeah! I got you.
应该也没什么问题 Okay, I can -- I can work with that.
白宫厨师长买菜去了什么意思? What do you mean the White House chef was grocery shopping?
你知道怎么做鸡蛋吗? Well, do you know how to make an egg?
你知道? You do?
是个人都知道? Everyone does?
好消息 长官 Good news, sir.
光剑击中地心前被拦截住了 The lightsaber was intercepted before it hit the core.
太好了!哈哈! All right, here we go! Ha ha!
应该送不上来太空吧? I don't suppose you could send it up here.
呃 所以到底是谁拦截的? Uh, who intercepted it, anyway?
坏消息是- That's the bad news.
的确是坏消息 That is bad news.
总统 你掉的吧? Hey, Mister P. Drop something?
莫蒂 看来你和 呃 瑞克一起拯救了世界 Morty! I see you and, uh, Rick patched things up.
真好 That's nice.
才没有 真正的瑞克和我一刀两断了 No, the real Rick and I have never been worse
因为你挑拨离间 thanks to that wedge you drove between us
就为了偷光剑 just to get that lightsaber!
你这不是拿回来了吗? Yeah, well, looks like you got it back.
你的傻子旅程完美完结 Your journey is complete. As a nerd!
你才是傻子! You're the nerd!
你绕着星战疯言疯语那么久 You can't say all that crazy shit about Star Wars
还搁这儿扮酷呢? and then act like you're cool!
扮酷?不酷的人会有这个? Oh, really? Would a person who wasn't cool have one of these?
会吧 I think so?
门在慢慢关闭 快滑过去! Slowly closing door! Slide!
哎呀 我完了 Oh, no! I-I'm not gonna make it.
太可惜啦 又要再死一次 What a shame to be put out of my misery again.
要不要啊 Aw, man.
什么鬼? What the hell?
白宫还有这块地方? W-Was this always part of the White House?
是卡特总统亲手建造的 Carter built it with his own two hands.
里根总统有想毁掉这里 Reagan tried to destroy it.
小布什总统给这里添砖加瓦 George W. added kegs to the cantina.
但只有我发掘了这里真正的价值 But only I saw its true value.
总统阁下 我劝你回家 Mr. President, you need to come home
然后告诉民众真相 and tell the people the truth.
真你爹的相 The fuck I do.
机器人 上光剑 Droids, get that saber!
等下哈 Give it a minute.
应该第四次的时候就好了 Usually comes out on the fourth try.
太好了!上啊! All right! Here we go!
你看它们 光剑手哦! Look at 'em -- lightsaber hands!
这还不炫酷? Tell me that's not cool.
一点也不炫酷! It's not!
我是想用光剑战斗 但不是像这样子的啊 I always wanted to fight with a lightsaber, but not like this.
你毁了我的幻想! Y-You ruined it!
是迪士尼毁的! Disney ruined it!
五毛特效的烂片不要也罢! You think I want 30 low-rent TV series with bad CGI?
现在的星战都是在超大的绿幕前面拍的 They film everything on that one big green screen.
你难道有更好的点子? Like you've got better ideas.
我好点子多了去了 I've got a million.
比如光剑眼机器人! Here's one -- a robot with lightsabers for eyes!
卧槽 他啥也看不见! God damn it, he can't see!
除此之外 的确是个好点子 It was a good idea otherwise.
你明明有被吓到 不要嘴硬了 admit it, you were intimidated.
呃 莫蒂… Uh, now, Morty...
求你放下光剑加特林枪 Come on, put down the lightsaber Gatling gun.
咱们之前不是玩得很开心吗? We had our fun, right?
按星战的规矩 你必须原谅我 Star Wars rules say you have to forgive me.
别屁话了 去死吧! I-I'm done with that, and I'm done with you!
莫蒂 不要啊! Morty, nooo!
机器人瑞克! Rickbot!
他为了我牺牲了自己 He sacrificed his life for me.
你别急着感动了 他其实是想寻死 Yeah, don't be too touched, he's actively trying to die.
呃 没关系的 一点也不疼 Ugh. I-It's okay. It doesn't hurt.
我的天 莫蒂 小光剑要滑下去了 Oh, God, t-they're sliding, Morty!
滑下去了!滑下去了! T-They're sliding! They're sliding!
真他妈直挺 Perfectly fucking vertical.
莫蒂!你先自救啊! Save yourself, Morty!
瑞克可以再造我的 Rick can build another me.
前提是我是机器人的话 可惜我不是 If -- If I was a robot, w-which I'm not.
我才不要再造出的你 I don't want another you.
不要啊! Nooo!
瑞克?你救了我们 Rick? You came to help!
还是多关心下你的机器人吧 Better tend to your little toaster.
莫蒂 我-我咳汽油了 I -- I'm I'm coughing up oil, Morty.
机器人瑞克 我不该疏远你 Oh, Rickbot, I-I never should've pushed you away.
你-你真是个好外公 Y-You were -- you were so great.
我当然是好外公了 因为我就是瑞克 Of course I'm great. I'm Rick.
莫蒂 瑞克打造我是为了让你开心 Rick literally built me to make you happy, Morty.
我的所作所为其实都能算在瑞克头上 Anything I do is technically something Rick did.
或许他下次应该亲力亲为 But maybe he can do a little more him-- himself.
我去 你是要死多久啊? God, how long do you take to die?
别了 莫蒂… Goodbye, Morty. Uh...
我去 Ugh, Jesus.
呃 瑞克 呃… Uh, Rick, uh...
现在向你要个新的白宫是不是不太是时候? I guess this is a bad time to ask for a new White House?
莫蒂 给我叫个优步网约车吧? Morty, would you mind calling me an Uber?
呃 那个… Right, well, uh...
圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas.
那我去和家人看那部街道电影去了 I guess I'll go watch a guy scream about streets with the family.
对了 你最好洗个澡 Also, you need to shower.
那个机器人说得有道理 Hey, maybe the robot's right.
我是该做什么都带上你 I-I should have included you in my shit.
你愿意的话可以下来帮我 You can help me if you want.
哇哦 这些是凶手瑞克可能在的地方吗? Wow, are those all the places Rick Prime could be?
莫蒂 那样的话就好了 I wish, Morty.
这些全是他目前的所在地 It's all the places he is.
我去 Oh, geez.
这就是我日夜面对的黑暗 Welcome to my darkness.
莫蒂 我穷极一生想抓到他! I spent my life hunting this guy, Morty!
这是我第一次找到凶手瑞克的线索 This is the closest I've ever been to catching Rick Prime.
根本不可能抓到啊! it's impossible!
他-他真的是老奸巨猾 He -- He's an incredibly crafty piece of shit.
莫蒂 我在寻找他的路上毁了自己! Hunting him destroyed me, Morty!
但是从今以后我俩一起找他! But now we're gonna do it together! You and me!
莫蒂 你下辈子就帮我找他好不好! It's gonna take over your life, Morty!
瑞克和莫蒂 第七季 寻找我的死敌! Rick and Morty, season seven, hunting my nemesis!
但要保持身体健康哦! Maybe trying to stay healthy while doing it!
可以杂耍盘子! Juggling plates!
不需要集集都找啦 莫蒂! And not every episode, Morty!
我们可以在每一集的背景里默默找! It could be all happening in the background!
鬼知道啊?! Who knows?!
只有你和我知道! You know, n-no one will, except us!
我从来没有这么痛苦过! I-It's the most painful shit I've ever had to deal with!
我他妈要带上你! and I'm fucking bringing you into it
因为是你自找的 莫蒂! because you asked for it, Morty!
你和我 莫蒂! You and me, Morty!
不要走开 后面还有 第六季第十集 本季终
不要走开 后面还有
呜喂 这一季真是 Ooo-wee! What a season, huh?
凶手瑞克 心理咨询 Rick Prime! Therapy!
还有罗伊虚拟现实游戏 记得吧? And that thing we did with Roy. Remember thaaat?
对不起 我没出镜 Sorry I wasn't around,
在忙着努力健身呢 been busy getting my little poopybutt in shape.
每天举铁 Been tonin' and bonin'!
我可不是为了填补艾米带着孩子离开之后 Y-You might think I'm over- compensating for the emptiness
我内心的空虚 after Amy left with Poopy Jr.
但是我教练卡尔说要想忘记一个女孩 but my trainer Caaarl says the best way to get over a girl
就得举300磅的铁 is to get under a 300-pound squat.
没错 Damn right.
呜喂 太营养了! Oo-wee, that's the good stuff!
我去!我去!我去! Oh, sugar! Oh, sugar! Oh, sugar!
严重吗? Oh, is it -- is it bad?
是不是很严重? Oh! It's -- It's really bad, isn't it?
我去! Oh, sug-- oh!
快打给艾米 告诉她我需要她 Someone call Amy, tell her I need her.
告诉她我爱她! Tell her I love her!
不要用我的手机 我被她屏蔽了 Not my phone. She blocked me.
用你的手机 U-Use yours.
呜喂!好痛啊! Oo-weee! I am broken!
你看懂了吗? Did you get any of that?
纪念制片麦克·孟德尔 1964年-2019年9月22日